Family Fun Night

Monday mornings are hard. Monday mornings after a busy weekend are harder.

Thankfully, the hubby took over the reigns this morning and took all the boys to school along with the carpool while I laid in bed all morning. I was awake, but I just could not get up to function. My mind kept telling me to stand up and do something and my body was just in denial that it was Monday.

Right before lunch, I forced myself out of bed and got ready for the day, did some housework, office work, and made a mental list of the never ending chores I had to do at home. I don't know why, but I always think that these lists are achievable before the kids get home from school - but let's be real, fat chance 13 loads of laundry would be done within 3 hours. So I shortened the list and was excited when I realized I'd only have time to eat lunch, sort the laundry, and do the dishes - My mommy duties for the day were done. I'm that awesome.

After picking up the kids, I had to go straight to our Family Fun Night to do a little fundraising for our school PTA. The one thing I love about chairing the Programs branch of our PTA is being part of these functions outside of school. There's something magical about seeing people you only see in school out in the public. Kind of like seeing a zoo animal out in the wild. Yeah, it's that wonderful to me. When the community rallies up together to be part of something bigger than themselves that really inspires and motivates me to keep going though I falter in frustration at times.

Matthew ended up staying with me for the complete 4 hours that we were there, while his brothers went to Track Practice with the hubby. We ate the entire time and by the time I got home, my tummy was not happy at all.

The evening has been pretty much about catching up with things I wasn't able to do for the 4 hours I was gone. So with 5 minutes left before midnight I'm blogging away while waiting for the loads of laundry to finish through cycles so I can finally get some sleep.

It's going to be a long night.

Push Parent Vs. Push-Over Parent: Where Do We Draw The Line?

I. Swear. I'm going to be more consistent with blog posts.

It's been almost 2 years. Yikes! 

Personally. From my experience of being a parent of not so little kids anymore, there is no greater struggle than when you are trying to pave the road to the right direction with a strong foundation.

Lately, the struggle has been being the strong disciplinarian parent vs. the loving and nurturing parent. Is there really a balance between the two?

Here's the struggle:

It's much more fun and less stressful to have fun with my kids than argue with them about doing homework and chores. Deep down I understand that these "rules" are what children need and is crucial for the foundation of the adults that I hope they will become. But do I want to be that parent that my child will look back in his adulthood as the parent that was THE parent that pushed too hard? 

Last week was Parent Conferences for the younger boys and though my children aren't failing, they are struggling in certain areas. After talking with my husband, we decided that we needed to take away certain privileges so they could concentrate more on their education. By no means do we expect our children to be prodigies - we would never put that sort of pressure on our children if it didn't come naturally - but we do expect a level of interest and understanding.

Today was the first day back from the long weekend and after school, my youngest son and I got into this heated argument about computer time (one of the privileges taken away to keep him focused on studies). In my twisted thought process, I assumed he would automatically understand what was expected, you know? He'd willingly march his cute tushy up the stairs, crack open a book and start reading just for the heck of it and prove me wrong - Well, that back fired and resulted in him sitting in the middle of our stair way whispering rather loudly, "Mommy is a liar and is mean!"

... not going to lie. I was butt hurt. And I cried a little in the inside while my heart broke.

But I couldn't lose this battle, because then I'd be that Mommy that was a push over. No thank you.

So I let him have his little tantrum and then walked up to him and explained what my obviously genius plan was. In which he returned the ugliest stank eye I've seen in years from an offspring. Again. No thanks. So I sent him to his room where he hid under his bed pouting.

An hour later, he apologized. Did I win this battle? Or is this just the beginning.

You would think that the era of the Sleepless Nights of Babyhood or the Terrible Tantrum Battles were the breakthrough moments of parenthood. But honestly, as the boys get older I realize on a daily basis that I still have no freaking clue what I'm doing.

Seriously, every single time I win a battle I walk away thinking, "pfft! Child walk on. I'm one bad ass mutha.... crap! Now what????? Why!?!?!?!?!?!" And the cycle continues.

Parenting is a series of twist and turns, a cruel game of chicken, and the ultimate mental and emotional test in life. Only my children can take me from completely elated to down right confused in a matter of minutes.

Being a Push Parent or a Push-Over Parent both consist of wanting to protect your child from making bad decisions, but did it have to be so hard to choose between either or? 

Kid Free Day

First of all, my genius plan to conquer the blogging world with my day by day documentation of our magnificent summer didn't pan out as I had hoped - I blame reality, and some days the kids, LOL! 

Anyhow, today was one of those very rare moments in my adult life where a friend randomly asks to take our kids (yes, that's plural) for the entire day (yes, that's entire day) to spend at Disneyland. 

And really, who am I to get in the way of children's happiness? 

By lunch time, hubby and I were beside ourselves. We haven't been alone at home since the kids got out for Summer, where we weren't swamped with work or had any appointments. 

It took us about 15 minutes to figure out what to do with our day, it's not hard to find relaxing things to do with your significant other if given a chance. And this was definitely a chance we were shamelessly willing to take advantage of. And boy did we. 

We headed out to the valley and got relaxing hour and a half Thai massages - something we've been wanting to do together since the mad rush of Wedding Season.The knots and muscle spasms that develop when constantly on the go is astonishing, but we love what we do! The massages were rejuvenating - as my husband expressed as he stared at me happily when I was done getting ready. 

We drove out to my favorite restaurant that I normally only go to with my best friend, I figured it was time to finally let the hubby try this place out fresh rather than the 6 hour old leftovers or take out that I pick up for him when I do go. Sam Woo is my most favorite Chinese Restaurant in the valley, we ordered all of my favorite dishes and when hubby got to try it, he was so happy. And he jokingly said, "so this is what you and your Beh do? I'm so jealous!" Hahaha! Yes, my best friend and I go out once in a while  (well we try) and get massages, eat without shame, and shop. It's the life for even a couple of hours once in a while when the kids are at school. 

After our gluttonous feast, we put all of our leftovers - yeah, you don't think hubby and I can actually finish 5 entrees did you? - and headed into the Asian Market next door. We don't have any worthy Asian Markets in our area, so driving out about 30 minutes into an area with an abundance of Asian Markets and Restaurants is a blessing we're willing to take our time to explore.  

Thank goodness we ate before heading into the store, Our cart was half full by the time we checked out, I can't imagine how full it would have been if we went in there hungry, haha! 

We ended up getting a lot of snacks, Korean BBQ meats, and Asian novelty snacks.  I'm telling you it was pretty much Christmas Morning for hubby and I.  My favorite snag of course were the Melon Ice Cream Bars and the $2.99/lb bag of fresh Lychee. 

When we got home, we took a long 2 hour glorious nap. Well I did, hubby opted to take a 30 minute cat nap and watch some TV and play video games - you know typical things husbands do on a free day, LOL! 

It's the simple things I tell you that, bring joy and relaxation to my life. And though I've enjoyed this rare day of relaxation I do miss my boys. They aren't home yet, but I just got a text saying that they are on their way home.  The house seems empty and lonely, hubby and I feel like the silence is deafening, and we've even ran out of things to talk about - Isn't that funny though? When the kids are around it takes about 10 times longer to get one topic done with, but when the kids aren't around we have a good conversation in a span of 15 minutes  and what seemed of utter importance suddenly isn't as urgent once said out loud. 

 Anyways, we're thankful for great friends and for well behaved children.

Can't wait to hold my boogers. I've missed them.

Daddy Bernat Visits!

Its been an exciting couple of days, as Jerry's dad from Poland arrived yesterday to stay with us for a few weeks.  It's been quite a few years since his last visit, Matthew wasn't born and Daniel was but a year old, but the boys have been enjoying him as if he's been here all the while. 

It's funny how language barriers and distance don't minimize the amount of love we have for our relatives that live a far. Last night, Jerry's dad asked Matthew to sit on his lap while Jerry was on the phone with his cousin in Poland.  I heard his dad talking Matthew in Polish and every time he would ask him a question, Matthew would nod his head and smile.  What a beautiful and memorable moment for Matthew. I wondered if he truly understood what his grandfather said, but it swelled my heart with happiness to watch them bond so sweetly. 

Grandpa brought some goodies for the kids, they absolutely love getting souvenirs when relatives travel from overseas. I think they get a kick out of the different packaging and languages that are printed. They loved the huge chocolate bars (and so do I!), but Daniel got a pretty cool Swiss Army knife.  Man! You should have seen the big smile on this kid and how he carried it proudly every where.  Jerry and I of course spoke to him about safety and how this gift wasn't a toy, I don't think much sank through as he was just smitten he got such a cool gift. 

We spent hours into the late night hanging out with his dad, we always learn a little bit of Polish whenever Jerry's family comes.  It's really fun to hear Jerry and his dad speak, though I can't understand much, I can definitely see the similarity in their conversation. I absolutely love just watching them talk to one another.  

We have tons planned for Jerry's dad's visit, then he'll be off to Canada to visit family for a few weeks before coming back to LA for a short few days. But we're going to make the best of what we can, we can't wait to spend some quality time with him! 

Microtia and Decisions - A Personal Choice

The other night I posted the following on my Facebook: 

Things that make my heart break:
Matt, "Mommy take that make up off, people will laugh at you like they do with my little ear."
Me, "Who laughs at you?"
Matt, "It's ok Mama, they just don't know how to ask."

And I got asked by other parent why we didn't just opt for Matthew to get reconstructive surgery for his ear to spare him and us the burden of having to endure having to explain repeatedly "what happened to his ear."  

We made a decision early in his life that we would first see how Matthew did with his therapy and how he dealt with his hearing loss as he grew older. By the time he reached kindergarten, we revisited the idea of perhaps doing the reconstructive surgery to "save" him from being teased by peers but then decided against and again decided to wait to see how the year went. 

Matthew flourished in his first year in elementary school, and yes some kids asked out of innocent curiosity as to how his ear came about. Kids would ask, he'd answer, then it was over.  It happened once in his class and his teacher was so amazing in dealing with it. His friends asked what was wrong with his ear, another friend defended him and told the teacher that he was being bullied, and the teacher gathered the children together and gave the children a story that I think will stick with me forever. She told the children that when Matthew was in my tummy, he loved listening to my heartbeat so much that he leaned so close to it that his ear closed and locked in the sounds of beats forever.  I'm not gonna lie, when his teacher told me this while I picked him up at the school's valet, I teared up. And as I drove away, while staring back at my precious child through the rear view mirror, I cried even harder. 

In another instance, Matthew's friend was talking to him but towards his "little ear," Matthew stopped him said, "I can't hear you because I don't have an ear drum in my little ear," and turned his head to continue with his conversation.  Again, another tearful proud moment when his teacher told me this.  I was so proud of him for advocating for himself and not getting so frustrated he couldn't think of his options to cope. 

We never treated Matthew any differently than we did with Brandon and Daniel.  We praised him, loved him, and disciplined him like we did with any of our other sons. And we never made his condition a big part of who he was, is, and ever will be.  We always felt that if we kept treating him like he was different, he would grow up to feel that he was too different and inadequate. We didn't want him to grow up thinking he couldn't do anything that other children could, or that because of the way he looks he's less appealing. We wanted him to grow up knowing that regardless of his appearance, he will be defined in how he treats others, how he copes with invasive questions, and how he perceives himself.  And because of this, we felt that he had the maturity and the strength to know that questions like that I posted on Facebook, are just that....questions. 

So I guess my answer to that parent as to why we made the decision that we did in regards to reconstructive surgery would be that it was a personal choice to do so. We felt strongly that Matthew was not defined by his Microtia and therefore felt that there was no need to take away a huge chunk of his childhood for major surgery that would only make him feel like he wasn't perfect already.  Everyone who matters in his life already knows what we know, that this fun loving, adorable, witty, and energetic child could not be bogged down by a physical abnormality, that his personality was so enormous that most people... the people who mattered in his life, sometimes forgot that some people in our society would think that something was "wrong" with him, so much so that he should "fix" it.

But if you ask Matthew what happened with your ear? He'll be happy you asked and 9 times out of 10 he'll tell you that our dog bit it off - which obviously isn't true, but what a silly story you'll get for asking our bright child  such a silly question.

Summer Sets In... Okay Not Really.

Happy Hump Day! 

I love that we had a short week this week, the week is almost over and I'm so looking forward to the little mini vacay hubby and I are going to this weekend while my awesome brother and sister watch the boys.  

School is going excruciating slow for the kids, but the boys are excited about all of the end of the year activities planned.  Mostly, the fact that there will be no homework the last two weeks of school. I don't know how many times Brandon, Daniel, and Matthew told me about this magnificent news when I asked them how school was today, HA! 

As Memorial Day came and went, the boys are having a tougher time getting up in the morning and keeping motivated while in school. Homework time has now turned into play time and the amount of effort they (and sometimes I) put in is embarrassing.

As one of my friends on Facebook said, summer should start right after Memorial Day. And I couldn't agree any more.  

I am excited for the Summer though, I can't wait for the BBQ's, the family trips, and quality time I'm going to be able to spend with boys each and every day. I love planning the entire Summer with activities, it just seems more fun when things are organized and in order. I never have to worry about how I'm going to entertain the kids and when I'm going to have down time. Like I said I'm super excited. 

But for today, the laundry is going and the boys are enjoying some outdoor fun with their friends before having to come in.   Warmer weather means more fun outside!

Do I Really Know What I'm Doing?

Often times, I get complimented on my parenting style or the behavior of my boys and I think to myself, Do I really know what I'm doing? Or am I winging it so well I've even got myself fooled?

No parent would ever admit that they have absolutely no clue what they're doing, in fact it's the complete opposite. I'll be one of the first to admit that I'd rather chew nails than show a hint that I I am completely losing my mind and am totally disorganized. Oh no! I'll smile and act like my son pinching his finger in the hinges of his eye glasses was all part of the great scheme to make another parent believe that I had it all planned out and I AM GLORIOUSLY BETTER THAN YOU!.  Oh! I'll smile rather than show defeat. - Ha! Are you convinced yet?

When being a parent is more competative than the olympics, you come to face the evils of other parents snares, unwanted opinions, and potential gossip topics among other parents - especially in that darn PTA! The school playground becomes this magnified setting of the high school cafeteria with moms gravitating into certain cliques: You've got your PTA Moms, The Volunteer Moms, The Veteran Moms, The Newbie Moms, The Outcast Moms, and the Moms that have no clue what is going on so they'll micro focus on their child close enough that they avoid eye contact with any other moms. And once in a while they'll blend together with that familiar fake smile and total ingenuine concerning stare while you speak but then all guards go up and you question yourself... why is she even talking to me? Does she even know my name?

I am not perfect in any way, I actually enjoy my imperfections as a parent and I'm okay with telling my boys, "Ooops! I did it again!" and "I'm sorry, I was wrong!"  Being humble in my short comings and taking accountability for it without the emberassmentis something I think my children should witness. I mean, well of course, I'm this almighty super hero adult that does nothing wrong in their eyes. But shouldn't they see that?

Shouldn't other moms see that and understand? Or have we become a suburban society in which imperfections are frowned upon rather than embraced? Have we set the bars in our little Martha Stewart communities that imperfection means failure? Is that the tone we want to set for our kids?

When did the tables flip and our children are now bragging about their parents participation in school? When did that happen and why? As if our children didn't have enough pressure as it was, that now they have to come up with reasons as to why their parents aren't at school functions or why their moms aren't on every single committee?

I read an article a while back of how children learn more by their parents actions than their words. Let's face it, as children ourselves didn't we learn how to have selective hearing and tune out the nagging wails of our parents? We watched our parents say one thing but did another, told us never to curse but turned around and screamed profanity when their favorite team loss, or said don't ever bad talk another yet whispered sweet gossip inot another parents ears? I mean really!

I've noticed I'm a victim of my own crime, I preach but never practice, but I'm learning. Just the other day my son said, "But you said those kids were stupid for going to that after school program." GASP! I what?? I did? I tried back paddling and convincing myself that I didn't say that but then that damn memory came back and BOOM! I did say that... CRAP! I could have lied and said I didn't but what would that teach my boys? I told them I must have had a really bad day and just didn't feel like going into detail why we couldn't afford to take all three of you to the after school program, so like a 5 year old, I exclaimed, "They're stupid!" and I was wrong. Silence. Didn't hear a word from them after that. Wow.

When my boys know that Mommy really has no idea what she's doing? They know that I'm at least trying and in the process the humbleness I display while doing so only teaches them that even in adulthood there is so much more to learn. And a lot of those lessons are taught by them to me. What greater power is there than for a child to know their significant role in their parents lives?

So.... Do I really know what I'm doing?

The answer is no, but if in my failures you can learn a thing or two with me? Is that really something to be emberassed about?  

I know. I mumble a lot.